my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
