Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize