I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
