Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
