I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she told me i tasted like america
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
