next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
