A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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