im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
