why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
