I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
