Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
