He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
