Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
