Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
