ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
