How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
