It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
