ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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