Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
