i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize