im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize