I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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