I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
