dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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