I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
