Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
