dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
