omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
