Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
