were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
