Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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