Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
