i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
