Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
