moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
