Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
