Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
