Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
