Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
