I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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