does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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