she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
