just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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