I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
