he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
