You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
