She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
