i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
