at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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