I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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