is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
