your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
