I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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