i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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