You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
