the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
