it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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