can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
