is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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