Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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