Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
