come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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