are you so shy because you have an std?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
True strength comes from lack of pants
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize