It's Friday. Sex?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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