the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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