Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize