It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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