That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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