As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
