just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
